I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
