i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
