i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
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one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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