im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
