Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
