Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
