my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
