But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
