We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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