Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
