My nipple is on Facebook.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
