I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
