So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So squirting runs in the family.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
