it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
