I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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