i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
