Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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