He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
