Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize