I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize