dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
