If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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