3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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