I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
