ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
