Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
