Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Do you still have your period?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
