literally had 100 drinks last night.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
