I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
