i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
