Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
