we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
