just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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