this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
