You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
