new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
