I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize