no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
