The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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