I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize