K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
