they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
