before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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