they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
