I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
