maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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