:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
