I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Alive.
So much puke
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
