i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
well most of my day revolves around power hour
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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