so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
