i jhust puked up my retainher.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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