You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
