Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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