you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
