i would punch a child for taco bell
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
