Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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