He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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