i don't like sucking hair
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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