My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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