Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
What a dumb baby whore.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
