I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
