I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
