my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
