He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
