I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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