ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
