you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
