her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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