My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
How naked do you want me to be?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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