hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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