I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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