I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Bring me that man meat
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
