I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
