You did not just play the dead husband card again.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
