Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
