i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
