the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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