road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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