My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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