yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
