I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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