i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
