i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
