I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
