new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
