dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
